STUCK IN
THE PAST
Who am i to
judge?
Novel by
SBONELO MAJOLA
Mr.Staph
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……TABLE OF CONTENT……
I.
About
the author and editors
II.
About
the story
III.
Chapter
one (who am I to judge?)
·
Note
before the following chapter
IV.
CHAPTER
TWO (apartheid in Mooi River)
·
Note
before the following chapter
V.
CHAPTER
THREE (Am to be blamed, nor)
·
Note
before the following chapter
IV.
CHAPTER
FOUR (The hope into despair)
·
Note
before the following chapter
V.
CHAPTER
FIVE
·
Note
before the following chapter
VI.
CHAPTER
SIX
SBONELO MAJOLA:
He was born and
bred in a small township called Mooi River which is located near Hawick, a town
best known for its Tourism Attraction and where Nelson Mandela was arrested in
1962. Sbonelo was raised by a single mother, Thandazile. He studied at
Bruntville Primary school then finished his High School days at Eminyezaneni
Senior Secondary School in 2014. He started writing his short stories when he
was busy with his studies (B. Com Management and Economics) at the University
of Zululand and he’s also a member of reader’s corner organization that
supports young writers in UNIZULU. His
stories are based on day to day tribulations faced by Africans, especially
youth. During his final year (2017), he started writing this novel.
When he explains
the reason of him writing stories, he said, “I know I started writing in 2014
and others are confused by the degree I am studying, but I believe I was born a
writer. It’s something that runs inside my veins and that’s why I thank
everyone who made my life difficult when I was young because that made me realise
my gift. I started developing my skills of writing in grade 10, 2012. By that
time I was a lonely creature. I always wanted to help people overcome their
tribulations but I didn’t know how, until one day where I saw a quote saying a
short story is a strong weapon to influence someone within thirty minutes and
provide visual images. So I guess my stories provide solutions and ensure that
people understand that bad thinks were meant to follow us till the day of death
and by understanding that, they will be prepared for anything and eventually
take thoughtful and decisive decisions.
However, when I
was busy writing my short stories, I could not find a publishing house for
those stories. They said their not used to my style, which means my stories
were unique and it would be in high risk to publish for unknown market. It was
not really my intention to write something that no one would read. So, that
when I decided to create a Facebook page and my blog so that people will see
and comment on what I write. Anyway, I did not get many comments as I wished
for first three months. That’s when I decided to write my first novel while I
continuing writing my off-record short stories”. Currently, Sbonelo is even
writing play pieces and poems.
ADDITED BY: DR Khaya Gqibithole ………………………..
: Ongeziwe Jaca ……………………….
ABOUT THE STORY: THE SUMMARY
The setting of the story varies from one place to another, but the
main setting is at Mooi River, followed by Richards bay and then Hawick. It
starts by tracing back the life of Nombuso at Hawick, as it is titled, ‘stuck
in the past. Then it conveys the apartheid in Mooi River, but in a unique way.
Apartheid incident is only found on the second chapter as part of the story,
which then shows that apartheid is not really the story’s theme. Anyway, it is
the duty of the reader to give this novel a suitable theme. The author used his
creativity to write true things that happened in Mooi River and spiced them up.
The story is actually about a girl, Thembalami who’s faced with
tribulations everywhere she goes. It actually the circular curse that runs
through her blood. Her mother, Nombuso tried to break the bond of the curse by
killing Johnson, Thembalami’s falsely father. Even after doing that, Thembalami
went back to the darkness of the bond and attract it back to her life. At the
end of the story, she’s left alone, just as her mother was when she was on her
age. The story is about love, hatred, secrecy and violent. The author is
actually transferring a message that it is not our duty to judge, but his.
NOTE BEFORE READING
This novel is organized simply for readers to understand clearly the
message that the author is portraying. After each chapter, there is a little
note that the reader should read before attempting to read each following
chapter. Reading these notes should not be ignored, because it is formulated
for a reader to make sure that he/she remembers every scene at the previous
chapter. It’s the fact that sometimes you get to miss some things when reading
and as you continue, you gets confused and eventually lose interest to continue
with reading. So, that’s the reason you, as my reader to read these notes
allocated after each chapter in order to stay in line with the flow of the
story.
Enjoy reading
CHAPTER
ONE
Who Am I To
Judge?
It was cold outside, the trees and
flowers were undressed from their bloomy gametes they once wore. Surely that
was wintertime, Mchunu’s family rejoicing themselves with angelic voices to
songs and tip toeing in their family dance by the fire. Thembalami didn’t join
them; she wasn’t well, feeling weak from her limbs being limp. “Maybe she
misses home, but why? Because surely she is going tomorrow and she should be
enjoying her last day of the visit”, her aunt talking alone. She has been in
her bedroom for the whole day, thinking to herself “I know next week Monday is
my day to taste my success, but I get the chills, I am nervous, I don’t know
why? Certainly I will pass”. These thoughts kidnapped her, locking her away
from everyone and even refused with her appetite for the whole day.
As she was thinking on her bed, Mr.
Pillow took her for a ride to soundly dream land. Her arrival turned to be a
night mare of darkness living her nervous. Not just nervous, but her heart
filled with dread. Other than being frightened, this dream confused her. She
did not understand why there was also an event similar to that one she left in
lidgeton, the Mchunu village. It's not a crime to be confused, but she wasn't.
These people staring at her were identically like those in her village. “Hi,
you must be Thembalami, the hope”. An old lady seating at an old chair by the
fire waved a hand, calling her. She tried to flout the call, at first, but
giving up seemed not to be her style. “Come here Thembalami, we have been waiting
for you”. If she had a choice of running, she would have. She then went towards
her, faking a smile with quivering lips.
“Hallow” she greeted this old lady
with a harsh and low voice, faking a smile. Her eyes were already red, blinking
faster than usual. “There is no need to smile if you don’t want to. No one
would hurt you for not smiling. Anyway, I am Nokukhanya, the old light bringer.
It’s nice to meet you”. She stretched her hand, with an eager to shake hers,
but Thembalami was still stunned to see a lady with huge hole-pinna. “Why am I
here? You said you have been waiting for me. Where am I?” Instead of replying,
she smiled and offered her a drink, pointing a wooden-seat with a walking stick
for Thembalami to sit. Behind it there was a huge aloe with blood on each edge
of its tall trunk-like.
“Take a sit and wait for your drink,
I have just sent someone to fetch it for you”. “That won’t be necessary; I am
living in a few minutes”. “Owh that means i have to start talking". She
giggled and took the cup of wine made of shiny gold, placed beneath her chair.
After swallowing that sip, she continued, "The reason you are here is
because you are related to a cursed woman and the time has come”. When she
paused, Thembalami felt something. It went through her heart, leaving it
bleeding. After an uncountable pause, she continued. “The time has come. Soon
she will transfer that curse to you.” “No way, this is nonsense. I am sorry,
but I don't believe in those things. I don't believe in shadows, I don't believe
in witch craft. Actually, I don't believe in impossibilities. So, if you don't
mind, I am out of here”. She said these words with a harsh voice, furnishing
indignant.
She then stood up and walked towards
the dark passage she came from. On her way, the 'old light bringer' raised her
voice, “you are lucky to hear this before it happens. Once she tells you her
story, the curse will be yours and you will also suffer your whole life to
death”. She stood up and continued, raising her voice more. “Don’t believe it!
Even if she is telling you the truth, don’t believe”. Immediately after hearing
these words, Mr. Pillow drove her back to the sinful-earth. Perhaps, that was
the reason of her being in that land. To be warned about up-coming curse. When
she woke up from that vivid dream, her heart beat was faster than usual, feet
cold and her eyes with un-bearable pain. In a few minutes, she managed to calm
down, but still her mind rolled around the epicenter of that dream. She tried
and even implored God to flash it off her mind. Her only wish was to forget it
for good and continue with her normal life.
As the clock rotate around the same
place, tick, tick and ticking to form an hour, to a day turning to a week; it
was finally that day which every child dreamt of. Everyone made sure that their
wallets had at least R5, just to buy a newspaper. In the morning everyone went
to that far tinny engine garage in Empophomeni, small township of Hawick, some
carrying phones with lights, some with parents holding their hands and of
course her, with a blanket over her shoulders. Her conflicting thoughts are
still holding her from smiling. As they walk through the library, she thought
of those days when the library was her best friend. Even Mrs. Sithole, the
librarian also liked her.
As that day was rushing to be
yesterday, sun burning everything it touches and everyone still celebrating;
under a tree there is a little beautiful angel with her head looking down and
tears flowing all over her face with dotted dimples. Jeah it’s her, a
pulchritude girl. Even when she is crying, it like she is smiling. “How could
Dad do this to me?” Thembalami thought to herself. This is supposed to be her
day; she could see her future bright ahead if only her father could have
thought the same way.
Jonson, her father refused to let
her go to university without saying any reasonable reason. She is thinking of
what he said to her, “My angel I love you a lot but you won’t go to university
and if you ever mention any word about this to anyone you will be dead. If you
want to make money, find yourself a job here in Hawick”. She could still see his
seven fingers pointing at her. He should have been exultant for her daughter,
but no, he did not even wait for her to spend an hour with a smile after seeing
her name on that newspaper. She does not understand why this is happening to
her after all these years of working hard. Of course, it sounded as a threat,
but definitely not. That is more than a promise. She would not be the first
person to die; only that she is her daughter.
While thinking, she knew that the
best solution is to run, but still her father’s got ears and eyes all over the
place. It all started during days where human blood tasted like ice cream.
During the days, where gangster were not merely gangster, but were blood
hunters. Johnson was not against all those things, up until they took Sbongile
on her way back home. They offered her a lift and booooom, the car turned to
widgeon forest. No one knows how he got there before they even lay a finger on
her or how he got away with that murder. Even the police knew he murdered them;
hence yes it was not a threat!
While crying, sitting under that
tree her mother came and set next to her with a sad face, she then looked up to
these birds singing like they are speaking to her daughter. After a while, she
took Thembalami’s hand with her left hand, while she wiped her tears with
another hand. “My angel I know this is hard for you but your father loves you.
I don’t know why he is refusing to let you go for your studies but what I am
sure of, is that he cares and he is somehow trying to protect you”. “Jeah you
are right mah! He is protecting me, while preventing me from my success. If this was going to happen, why did you send
me to school, encouraging me to perform my best?” Again like a waterfall, tears
flowed over her face from round, well-shaped white eyes. Seriously, this is not
fair for Thembalami. However, only God can judge.
Fortunately, her mother brought
tissue with her, she then wiped these tears. “Thembalami! Seeing your name on
that newspaper reminded me of my past. I once had that feeling of seeing a
future at the tip of my fingers”. “But I thought you never went to school mah”
“Nah my hope! I did pass my matric, but I still curse that day”, tears started
to form glasses on Nombuso’s eyes and slowly falling over her face. Where was
Jonson to wipe them? Ooops he was nowhere to be found. Perhaps, he was inside
the house. She then began to tell her daughter about her past. Immediately, her
mind reminded her that vivid dream she had last month, but ignore that thought.
She was right, she really don’t believe in impossibilities.
That day when Nombuso received her
results she was very happy, she thought of her dreams coming true. Not just
dreams, but the one of becoming a chartered accountant. She knew that her
parents would feel the same as any eagle would when seeing its young flying
after so many practices. On her way back home she could fly, only if she had
wings. Actually not everyone was happy, a black-white girl passed matric, as
they would say. “I knew not everyone was happy for me. Anyway I was used to it.
Even our neighbours thought we did not fit in. Of course they were right, but
it was not my fault. I did not choose to be born in a stable family, to go in a
private school. Actually I wanted to be at Sabula School, but no one was going
to accept me, I was not safe with them; as my mother would say”.
She walked all the way home confused
about why everyone was staring at her, specifically at her hand. It’s just a
brown opaque envelope, so surely no one was able to see that it is her results
statement. As she was about to cross Duma road, she saw lots of people going
around her home. That shocked her not knowing what was happening or what to do.
Maybe it our new friends or they are telling us to move out of this town. Of
course, that what everyone wants, (Nombuso thought to herself). But, for what?
Is it just because my mother married a white-man and stayed with him here at
the township?
“At last Mom you have told me where
you got your curls. You are a coloured and that makes me a….” her mind stuck,
not sure what to say. “It does not matter if you are a coloured or not, as long
as we are humans and behave like them”, her mother replied with a smile. “Of
course, I was waiting for that respond”. By that time, carpet of this tree with
brown soft soil has turned to an exercise. Thembalami is busy drawing flowers
with a broomstick while listening to her mother telling her about her past.
She then took a deep breath and
fortunately, she was brave enough to get inside the house. She almost fainted
seeing her relatives crying, actually only her Ant. Others were just quiet but
still their faces furnished bleeding souls. Even if she wanted to avert, she
was already inside. She had no choice, but to ask what was going on. They then
told her that her parents were involved in a car accident and died. “That was
like a dream to me, I knew that we all have to die but not so soon. I was too
young to lose both of my parents at the same day so unexpectedly. That was when
I decided not to pray ever again and no one would blame me.”
That incident shocked her, thinking
it’s just a mishap incident and she started doubting the existence of God, and
hey! Who can judge her? It came to her as a dream. At the night vigil, almost
the entire township came, maybe to make sure that they were really dead or
maybe they did not hate them at all; it was just natural conflicts. She howled
for the whole night vigil and that led her to meet a new friend, Mr Pillow. He
did not mind her tears, he just sucked them and stored them within his soul. He
was good in keeping her secretes. Even today, no one knows that some other days
she would cry the whole night.
On the day of the funeral, God
decided to feed his plants, to fill up the rivers, to flow, filling up near
dams and ruining her parents’ funeral. There was no way a hearse could have
gone that way to the graves (Bheki, the hearse driver with a gloomy face). The
situation pushed away everyone’s tears back to their nests. “I didn’t know what
to do. I then thought of cremating them into ashes, allowing their souls to go
along with fumes towards heaven and I; be left with only ashes at my desk, but
I was late. As this cumbersome situation continued to deteriorate, a bunch of
boys were willing to help, I never saw a beautiful funeral like that one in my
life. They took my parents, their enemies over their shoulders and walked all
the way to the graves”. “Wow! So, mom your parents were buried by the whole
community?” “Yes My dear, but still my parents were not there to see what they
thought of them was wrong. For them to see that they did not hate us at all”.
After the funeral, she started
thinking of how things have turned out. She thought that her dreams were
gone. Elders in her family decided to
ask one of their relatives to stay with her since it was a very bad situation
for everyone, especially for her. Her
uncle and his wife came to a decision that they would stay with this little
beautiful angel who had been quite since the day of the accident. The intention
was to get someone who would stay with her at all times and that was his wife,
Zandile. This actually turned to a home of two women, Thembalami and Zandile
since Brian was always busy. He was plucky, being a police-man during that
time, where it was all about arresting a Black Man; for being black.
At first it all went well, they were
a happy family again even though it took several months for her to move on.
Even if everything was perfect in this family her uncle, Sbusiso had forgotten
the role that was given to men in the Eden garden to Adam. “I still don’t blame
his wife for what she did. Actually, I knew what she was up to and kept my
mouth shut”. “Mom I am lost, what are you talking about?” “She had no choice.
She was afraid of losing her husband so using Umuthi in his food was the only choice. At first, I thought she
misses him up until I saw a paper written, ‘Bheka
mina ngedwa’. By then I knew she thought he was cheating, as any woman
would when her man is busy with not being busy.
One of those days, she forgot to
take that ‘muthi’ away where Thembalami had seen it. She thought Sbusiso would
come late as usual. If he had seen it after eating, maybe he was going to
understand. That incident changed his behaviour. It even worsened everything
after he stopped working and running away from seeing the real world as it is.
He was caught drunk during working hours. Since then his life changed, shaping
theirs. He became vicious and even started taking drugs. Everything went bad in
this family and mostly, for Nombuso. At that time, she was still busy getting
her life back on track, looking for bursaries and her aunt looking for a job.
Fortunately, she found it at the Clinic.
Since then she became a bread-winner
and he was a bread-eater. However, that did not bother him at all, there was no
need, since her income went through him before doing anything. Again, the devil
visited into Nombuso’s life. This time he did not get through Eve, but Adam,
her uncle. On that day, her aunt was working a night shift. He came home that
night on drugs, smelling alcohol all over his clothes and as usual, he started
shouting at her, calling her with names. However, that night he took another
step of making her feel uncomfortable. “I knew this was going to happen
someday, but I wanted it to be special like any other girl would.”
That was the first time she felt
that scared. Immediately, her heart started tootling fast, her legs trembling
and her voice like a young cat in a corner. She tried to shout for help, but a
house well built, with a quality of sealing board vetoed her voice from being
heard. In a few minutes she was bleeding, blood flowing through her legs along
with her words, “it hurts, you are hurting me”, and that was it, her virginity
extinct. That night was not merely a night she used to have. It was more that those
nightmares she used to have when she was young. At least, during those days,
she had a mother as a shield. This time, she is all alone in the middle of that
horrifying night. She felt physically dirty and went to take a shower. Perhaps,
she had no idea that was a nest of evidence.
Thembalami twisted her heard and
glared at her mother. “So Mommy I am certain he was arrested” after asking this
question she turned back, avoiding her mother’s eye contact as though she is
shy. Her mother failed to answer that question. She just looked up at these
birds quiet as if they were listening to this gloomy story. After an
uncountable pause, she replied in a hidden retort way, along with tears. “No, I didn’t even report him. I convinced
myself that no one was going to believe me’’. She then paused for a while and
continued, “and I was right, since he was one of the respected elders in our
family”. Thembalami nodded her head, but her eyes furnished censure. “Still
mom, he raped you. How could you hide such a thing?” she asked with a low,
harsh voice. “I didn’t really hide it. I told my aunt, but instead of listening
to me, she was so spiteful.”
From that incident, she became rude
and short tempered. Anyway, she was still able to control her feeling to
everyone, other than her family. “Tell me mom, how you coped for all these
years with that pain on your heart?” she asked with a soft voice, looking
straight at her eyes, red as a skirt she is wearing. “I guess I am strong. I
always use the smile to hide all the pain I feel and tears, but even today, my
heart is still bleeding”. She said these words with her hand brushing her
chest, as if she could physically feel the pain. After a while, she then
continued. “By that time I had no shoulder to cry on. My aunt and her husband
were enemies to me, but no one in my family was nigh to notice all that.” He
stopped for a while and closed her eyes with a hand, preventing tears to fall.
She then continued. Her voice has now changed from soft to harsh. “They thought
I was still struggling from the pain of losing my parents, while I was merely
in the pain of losing my virginity.”
During those days, everything was
against her. Even the sun became dark, while bright to others. Clouds with
wind, while with cool breeze to others. That is when she tried to commit a
suicide. “Trust me, I never wished to die, even today. However, during those
days dying was my only option I had. I was not thinking straight and found
myself standing on top of the chair with the rope around my neck” Thembalami’s
eyes drew bigger, holding her mouth with both hands. This must have
flabbergasted her. It’s actually her first time talking to a victim of suicide,
worse of all it is her mother.
While staring at her mother,
blinking her tears away, the story of tikolotshe
paved back it way to her mind. This is her favourite story that her mother used
to tell her during her early years, when she was around five years old. I never thought that was a true story
(Thembalami thought to herself). I never
thought someone would kill herself either. When she was young, her mother
would tell her a story of a young girl, who lived with her father. Though they
were a father and a daughter, they were also friends and they were always
together like twins. However, there was only one thing that drew them apart,
soundly at the absent of the light. That was when tikolotshe used to visit. At
first, her father did not believe in ghosts and witchcraft either. Perhaps,
that was his mistake.
Every morning, her daughter would
tell him terrible things happened during her night. About her friend,
tikolotshe and he would just reply, that
was just a dream my dear, I also had those dreams when I was at your age. He
knew that it was not a dream, neither a reality. It’s just that he did not
believe in impossibilities. Not after one day when he heard her in a middle of
conversation with this friend, that he could not see. He then went closer to
hear their full conversation. Fortunately, he was early. This tikolotshe was
still begging her to hang herself. Perhaps if he was not early, that girl would
have hanged herself. I actually thought
people would hang themselves on stories, but no! My mother is also a victim. (Thembalami
thought to herself).
“Mom, you are telling me that…..”
she paused for a while, brushing her face, which reflected confusion and droop.
“Wait, you tried to kill yourself, but you are still alive. How? Nombuso
giggled and nodded her head. “It’s hard to believe, I know, but yes. I was
waiting for a right moment, to kick of that chair, when I heard a voice that
went through my ears. It felt like someone’s busy stubbing my heart. It’s not over yet.” That voice cleared
her mind and bequeathed her an alternative option, ‘to run away’. At first,
everyone was stunned. A white-black girl committed a suicide. For what exactly?
(As they would say). She has everything under that roof.
After a long pause of silence, she
continued. “I then thought of running away. My aim was to go far away from
them. Anyway, anyone would prefer being nemesis with a stranger than your kin”.
She had no idea of where she was going but in a blink of an eye, she found
herself under the bridge at Hawick. She always heard people talking about Mooi
River. How sweet its water is and she knew that going along N3 would lead her to
that tiny township. Still she had no friends on that town, not even a place to
sleep. That journey turned to be longer than she expected. One day was not
enough, especially when walking by your feet. Even her shoes were not on her
side. It was actually like walking with bare feet. If she had better pair of
shoes, that journey would have been two days, not three.
At last she arrived. Mooi River was
exactly as she imagined. She then roamed the whole township and saw exactly
what people told her. She saw little houses with similar shapes, one tore road
and people; friendly to each other. However, she was fortunate enough to
realise that apartheid was not yet over in this town. Their enemies from
western countries have turned these people against each other. They had turned
brothers and sisters into enemies. Even the brides turned to punch bags of
their husbands. She was still relieved because with all these conflicts,
rapists’ uncles did not exist. Or perhaps, she hasn’t met one.
As she was enjoying the taste of the
new town, the sweetness of its water, the sun slowly went back to its nest.
Immediately the thought of being a stranger paved its way to her mind and no
one in this town tried to help. It was not that big as it is today, not to
notice a new comer. Maybe no one trusted her. Anyone could have used a little
good girl as a spy. “I spent the whole week sleeping under the trees, near the
hostel. I guess, each camp thought I was a spy from another camp. “Wait mom”
Thembalami stood up and set down again. She paused for a while, with her hand
through her lips and continued. “I thought during apartheid, people were
fighting against white people. So, how did they even think you can be a spy?”
her mother giggled a little and replied.
“My Hope, at first, we were fighting
them. It all went bad when our intentions became diverted. Others were blaming
others and that’s when we turned to be each other’s enemies.
NOTE SUMMARY TO READ
First chapter of this story is
sub-titled, who am I to judge. It’s the event or a conversation between
Thembalami and her mother, Nombuso (to be precisely). When her father, Johnson
refused to let Thembalami go for her studies, Nombuso was triggered to tell her
what exactly happen in her past. When she was young, living in Hawick, she lost
both her parents at the same time. That lose pave the way of suffering in her
life and built a nest of tribulation beneath her feet. Where ever she went,
these tribulations were like a shadow on top of her head. The only way to take
it off was if she tells a story of her past to another person, but didn’t know
all that. She then told Thembalami about her past, not knowing that she was
transferring that curse. Anyway, an old lady in Thembalambi’s dream mentioned
that Thembalami is the only one who knows about this curse. However, she
ignores that warning.
CHAPTER TWO
Apartheid
in Mooi River
This chapter is more of a documentary of Mooi River during the
Apartheid era. I included this chapter on behalf of my sister who lost her
father during that time. Her father is represented as the main character on
this chapter. He was one of the heroes who fought for freedom. Actually, this
chapter represents the true story, but names are formulated from nowhere.
Part
one
CHAPTER THREE
Who Am I,
Nor Who Are You
His death ended the spirit of that
black-to-black war. Maybe his death paved the road towards freedom in Mooi
River. Yet, she was all alone, again. But at least, she had a roof over her head.
It has been three years, approaching the end of the fourth one since she came
here, but she’d never thought of looking for a job. She left all her things
back home that could have been useful. As those days turned to be yesterdays,
into past weeks and to last months, the food vanished from the kitchen. After
two weeks without eating anything, she met a lady calling herself Queen Bee. She
came to her as an angel from heaven to help her overcome all her tribulations.
However, the evil came out of
nowhere from the soul of that Queen B creature. She influenced her to join them
as a prostitute. At first, she refused, but saying no without food to eat
became the synonym of foolishness. Anyways, that was surely a wrong decision to
be taken, but again who was there to judge her? Seriously, who would judge her?
She needed to make a living, and that was her life. “I knew being a prostitute
was wrong, but there was nothing precious left”. This was it! Her dream of
being a Chartered Accounted was finally flushed away until one day, that
faithful day she believed God wiped away her tears.
After taking a wrong-right decision,
her house turned to the house of service, where every mind-lost man gained
their joy. They continued with their business until that day which she believes
god wiped off her tears. It was 1996 June 23, when a guy came for a joy just
like others. Instead, he wanted a take-away. He wanted to spend a night with
her at his room and promised to pay at full. They went there and slept the
whole night without doing anything. “This
is really an angel” (she thought to herself). At the sunrise, the following
day she was astounded when she got paid without giving him any joy. Maybe not
all men prefer that kind of joy, or that was a joy he needed, a joy of just
being with her for the whole night. He came the following day for the same
thing and also came the other day, telling her that he is just interested in
her presence and asked for her contact numbers.
As that thing kept on going,
building jealousy to her friends-in business, he told her that he wanted to
have a family and fortuitously, she was to be a mother. “Come on mom, you are telling me that how you
met Daddy? Wow, he is kind. So, tell me mom, what happened next?” Thembalami
asked. She was still interested to hear more about her mother’s past. Her mom
tried to fake a smile, but you could see that her wounds were not yet healed.
She then looked at her daughter and
replied. Of course, she replied with a smile, but it furnished sorrow. “I thank
God for that day, but still, no one would tell me what I did to feel such a
pain. I am tired of being in the darkness of tribulations. My dream was not to be a wife. Being a wife
is just part of our lives least of us will avert. My dream was to become a
chartered accountant, but even today, I am just a wife. Every night I am still wondering if God does
really exist. If he does, where is my future that I have always dreamt of? Will
it ever come true?” Even after so many years, she was still stuck in her past,
but the same question remains who would judge her. She said all these words
hiding her wounds behind the smile. However, maybe that was the best thing to
do, especially for Thembalami.
As their conversation continued, sun
went to hide behind big clouds and Thembalami felt the chills from the blowing
wind. Before they thought of going inside, birds raised their wings and flied
over their heads, singing a good night song. They then went inside, both with
smiles on their faces. Someone would ask if Thembalami smiled because she had
forgotten what her father said to her, or because of hearing how exactly her
parents met. Anyway, humdinger stories are usually powerful in influencing
people’s thoughts. As they entered the house, Jonson was at the corner by the
fire stove, with his heard looking down, singing. After seeing that they are
inside, he yawned and hunched his shoulders, picking up a glass of wine.
Immediately, Thembalami’s smile
faded away. So, all that time she pretended to have forgotten what her father said.
“Daddy when did you start drinking? The last time I checked alcohol was
considered as a sin in this family”. As she asked these questions, she took a
few steps backwards. Her mind reminded her that her mother’s uncle became
violent and vicious after started drinking. Anyway, there is no father who can
hurt his own daughter. After an uncountable pause, Nombuso went and set next to
him with a smile. With no doubt, she was faking it. By that time, Thembalami
was still outside with her lips quivering. “Thembalami! Themba-ma, get inside.
Aren’t you feeling that blowing wind?”
She slowly entered, with one step
slowly after the other. He then called
her to come and seat next to him. As she was reluctantly coming, he begun to
speak, “My Hope I was serious about what I said early today. I know you think
going to school is the best solution. Of course it is, but definitely not for
you”. “That’s where you’re wrong dad. You think I am not capable of taking my
own decisions” she begun to walk fast towards her dad, with tears flowing over
her face. “Guess what dad; I know what’s best for me”. Her father failed to
reply and giggled. “I wonder when you learnt to raise your voice over me.
Anyway, my word is final, you are not going” he stood up, heading toward his
bed room.
On his way, he decided to come back
and continued talking. “You’re a girl and you should be worried about marrying
a man who will take care of you”. “That was before the release of Mandela Dad.
Even women are now allowed to study”. He giggled again, “Of course they are.
Where do you think I met your mother? At the university, of cause” “You mean
the university?” She stood up, staring at her mother. That controverted with
what her mother told her. “Your Father is not on his senses Thembalami” her
mother jumped over their conversation and replied with a low and harsh voice.
In a few minutes of silence, both staring at her, someone called his name at
the gate. It’s his friend, asking him to go and have drinks.
Even if they wanted to stop him from
going, they could not. He just left them with partial conversation, without
saying when he will be back. Thembalami was disappointed to see a man claiming
to be a family leader, choosing an old friend over his family. They went to
Half Price Tavern and shared old, interesting stories. They were happy with a
glass after a glass. “Tell me John. What went wrong? You hated alcohol,
remember?” His friend asked him, faking the smile, avoiding him to take it
personal, “Ey Ayanda. For the first time let me divulge” He pause for a while
and continued after swallowing the last sip. “I have not been happy ever since
I left University. My heart is still bleeding and my ears are still hearing
that beautiful voice of her. Serious dude I tried, but I am definitely failing
to block her off my mind and every time when I look at Them……” He failed to
continue and went out without saying goodbye.
On his way home, he could not walk properly on his own and
had to cross one of the big road, worse of all, it was Friday. People were
rushing to be with their loved ones and others enjoying the high-spirit of
Friday. In a few minutes, he got wings from the car to fly and splash himself
on the pavement; BOOOOM BOOOM and people screaming heeee huuuuuu hiiiiiiiii. The car didn’t even stop to see how a man
flied without wings. In a few minutes, everyone went to see what had happened,
including Thembalami. After seeing that was her father, she fainted and they
were both taken into hospital. This was surely a curse day to this family,
especially to Nombuso. Her husband was fighting for his life and their
daughter’s in the comma. Again, that night reminded her how she lost her
parents and wondered the whole night whether she will lose them again.
In the morning, corks helped those without alarms and the
sun was brilliantly shinning. People were laughing as usual and that road
operating as if nothing happened. Jeah this was her tribulation, hers alone.
She went outside and looks at the sky where pastors used to point God. She
wanted to ask him why all these things are happening to her. While she was
still buried in her worries, an old lady came to her from nowhere and said,
“suffer today and celebrate tomorrow, for this isn’t our home, we are just
passing”. After saying these sagacious words, she disappeared within a blink of
an eye, right in front of her face. Her eyes drew bigger than usual. She turned
around and saw nothing; nothing at all. Was that God she was waiting for? And
if so, how come it’s a woman. (She wondered to herself)
She went back inside the house where she left her old
friend, Mr. Pillow. It been a while, maybe he’s been missing me, (Nombuso
thought to herself). As days passed, her husband recovered, but he was
paralysed and Thembalami was still in a comma. After a month, he was discharged
from the hospital to be the burden over Nombuso’s shoulders. By that time,
Thembalami was still in unitary heaven-hell land and still, no one was able to
tell them what to do. Others kept on telling them to visit traditional doctors;
they believed that was all due to their ancestors. Others told them to invite
God to be their saviour and she would just say, “God doesn’t exist”. Even so,
no one would blame her.
Another day came, thus sun was shining again and alarms
clicking. Of course that was another beautiful morning. People were rushing to
their jobs, but Johnson was on his bed, waiting for Nombuso to help him up.
Even if they were to be happy, for how long will he depend to every one for everything?
As Thembalami was in a comma, her parent’s marriage was falling apart. Nombuso
got irritated in helping him with everything. After a month of struggle in
Johnson’s life, Thembalami was discharged from the hospital and her return restored
their marriage. Nombuso started to treat her husband as if nothing happened
during Thembalami’s absence. Someone would argue on what led her to abandon her
husband if she was still in love with him. Or maybe she was still pretending,
just to maintain a good picture in front of Thembalami. But, still, what about
their past? How can she abandon a person who rescued her from being her own
product?
After a week of her return, she tried by all means to find
help for her father. For the first time, she began to believe that spirits
really exist. Though she wasn’t willing to tell her mother, her father deserved
to know. “Dad I think I have someone who can help you” Thembalami whispering in
her father’s right ear. She didn’t want her mother to know. “Why are you
whispering then? There’s no stranger in this house, only your mother”. Johnson
replied, with a low voice, avoiding spoiling the mood of her daughter. “I found
a traditional healer dad and I know mom does not believe in those things”. In
an uncountable pause, she continued. “Yes I didn’t believe in these things
either, but after she told me about her past, something kept on telling me to
believe in spirits”.
Immediately, the look from her father changed. “Don’t tell
me you believed her story? Tell me you didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t, my
Hope” as he was pleading her, that vivid dream she once had in lidgeton village
paved it way back to her mind. “Was she lying? How did you two met exactly?”
“Of course that story she told is true, but you should not believe it. Anyway
let me not spoil your mood. Where were we?” Thembalami yawned and took a long
deep breath. “I can arrange this traditional healer to come here in the absence
of mom. I heard her talking over the phone this morning. She might go for a job
interview tomorrow”. After seeing the surprise on her father’s face, she
continued, brushing his hand. “I had no idea she hasn’t told you about that
interview. Certainly, she will tell you before dinner”.
Sbusiso stood there, shocked on his bed. Someone may argue
on what really shocked her. Is it the circular curse story or something else?
Fortunately as Thembalami said, interview issue was served as a surprise during
the dinner. As they were busy enjoying well cooked dinner, Nombuso took a
glass, walloping it non-vigorously with a spoon to win their attention. “I have
an announcement to make, as we are still enjoying our delicious dinner-supper”.
She giggled and continued. By that time, Thembalami is blinking one of her
eyes, telling her father to pretend being surprised. “Today morning, I received
a call from Ngwelezane clinic. They want me to come with my things for a vacancy
as a cleaner”. Indeed Johnson acted well, but not Thembalami.
She stood up and rudely went to her bedroom, without
clapping hands for her mother’s success. Maybe
the story of circular curse is true, (she thought to herself). If not why does she have to get the same job
that her aunt had. Will my father rape me? No, no way he is paralysed. Tjoooo
what if that doctor I called succeed in healing him? As these thoughts kept
on building up to piles, her father got in. “My Hope, don’t worry. I will never
hurt you, or do anything to hurt you”. “Do you want me to believe that dad?”
her father giggled and went out, without replying her.
The following day, afternoon, Nombuso came home with a smile
filled within her face. Unfortunately, Johnson was still on the wheel chair and
no one was there to pick her up, run with her around the house as they used to
when celebrating. That traditional healer didn’t show up, Thembalami cancelled
the booking behind her father’s back. Was it because she begun to believe what
Nokukhanya said, the light-bringer? Or she was just using her father as a bat
to preclude the possibility of her mother to work. But, still, her mother went
to that interview knowing that Johnson is incapable of doing things on his own.
The decision of Nombuso accepting that job triggered Johnson
to drink more than before. Anyway he wasn’t harmful to anyone, since a triple
man is more like a car without petrol. Every day, Thembalami would wake up in
the morning, do every immediate necessity and assisting her father. One day,
she woke up, did everything as usual and went back to her bed to chat to Mr.
Pillow. She begged her for a ride to dream-land, as she felt tired. On dream-land
she arrived on sunny day and sky clear from clouds. Under the tree of her
mother’s story, Johnson was chatting with his friends. She tried to look at the
window, perusing those people, with her father.
As she was staring at them, her father called her.
“Themba-ma, Come here”. Without wasting anytime, she ran towards him. “Bring
two glasses of wine; I am tired of drinking alone”. On her way back, the image
of J&B bottle kick off her mind, stubbing her heart. Besides that bottle-that was not her first time seeing those men.
She once saw them in the picture, hidden under the sink at the bath room.
Immediately, she woke up and went to check if she will still find that picture.
“What are you running from dear?” Her father asked, rolling his wheel chair
behind. “Wait, where are you going?” She ignored him and pulled up the sink,
dragging out the pic and turned back to him. “I am looking for this” she gave
it to him-waiting for him to utter a word. Instead, he giggled.
“Dad today I had another dream. These men” She pointed the
picture on Johnson’s hand, blinking her eyes, trying to hold tears from
falling. “These men were both on my first dream and this time, (after a pause) this time they were your
friends. So, I guess you have something I need to know”. Without replying her,
he rolled his wheel chair, heading towards the siting room. “Are you going to
stand there like a frozen chicken, or you will follow me?” continued with
giggle. She followed behind him, wiping tears with an edge of her dress and set
in a couch next to his wheel chair.
She wasn’t the only one crying, even her father, but he
wouldn’t let her to see. Maybe, that’s what all men do or believe. They cry
while not crying. “My hope, I know these men, but I will be lying to say I know
why their always on your dreams. Anyway, that was just a dream” Thembalami was
still staring at her, still not satisfied with an answer, hence he continued in
an uncountable pause. “Those were my friends at the varsity and this one” he
pointed the one wearing a gray suit, his left hand touching his chin, with a
silver watch decorating a picture. “Yes this one was my best friend. Even today
he is, but the other part of my heart still hates him”. As he was enjoying the
conversation with her daughter, Nombuso got in with heavy pounding steps,
without knocking.
“Someone is not in a mood today”, Thembalami whispering. She
didn’t greet them as usual. She just stared on the picture in Thembalami’s hand
and went to her bed room. Johnson reluctantly followed her. “Honey what wrong? What
happened at work?” Nombuso tried to utter a few words, but failed-only tears,
furnishing pain within her heart. She took off her clothes and got into the
bed, without assisting Johnson. Maybe she has forgotten that he needs help to
jump on that bed and that was her duty as a wife.
“Owh sorry, I have forgotten”, she helped him. “I was hoping
to hear what is it that’s troubles you”. “There was a patient admitted at the
clinic today. So, I was scrubbing the floor, when she came to me. She blamed me
for telling Thembalami about my past. She said all of my tribulations were
transferred to her under that tree when I was telling her my true past”. She
paused for a while and turned to face him. “Please tell me she was just messing
with my head”. Slowly tears flowed on Johnson’s eyes. “She is right. I wanted
to tell you, but I couldn’t and you were not going to believed me. Anyway, I
had no idea you have already told her that story”. “It’s not like I had a
choice. You refused to let her go to varsity. So, I did what I thought was
right. Convincing her that you were not as bad as she thought you were and you
should be thanking me for that”.
“You must be joking! What should I thank you for? You are
the one who told her to forget about that dream she had before she even got her
results” Johnson replied with an angry voice. “Ok forgive me, my husband” “Ok.
So, tell me, what happened next?” “I didn’t believe what she was saying and she
started annoying me”. She paused, “I got angry, pushed her and she fell and
die, but that wasn’t my intention. Fortunately, no one saw and I had to make a
choice. So, I did what anyone would have done, running away”. Johnson acted as
if he knew that was all going to happen, “don’t worry, she is not dead and she
will not report you. Good night, we will talk in the morning”
In the morning, the following day, Thembalami ran out of her
soundly-night early and went to the kitchen to quench her thirst. On her way,
Johnson was already up, seating before the television, watching workers’
prayer. “Dad, why are you up so early?” She asked him with a hand holding her
chest. She did not expect to find him up so early. “Sorry my Hope, I did not
mean to scare you. It has been a while since I haven’t watched this show,
hence I am up earl today and don’t ask how did I jump off the bed”. They then
giggled as she was padding towards the sink in
the kitchen to fetch water. Thembalami drank water and came back to her father.
She sat on the sofa, opposite him and said, “How is mom?” “She will be fine.
Nothing wrong, she was depressed-that all”, replied Johnson.
Thembalami stared at his face; it’s obvious she doesn’t
believe him. “Dad, I don’t know what to believe anymore. Tell me if I am wrong,
you and mom were fighting last night. I overheard you talking and I believe you
have something to tell me”. She stood up to snick on her mother, if she is
still asleep. She then came back to her father with tears forming glassing on
her eyes. “What did mom do dad? Who was that patient you were talking about?”
These questions stunned her father and led him to non-stop coughing.
Without uttering any word, he rolled his wheel chair back to
her bed room and left Thembalami with a partial conversation. He then closed
the door behind her. At first, Thembalami was confused, with a startled face.
She was left her with uncountable questions and not sure what to do. In a few
minutes, Johnson came back walking with her bare foot, followed by Nombuso
behind. As he walked towards her, Thembalami’s heart went limp in pumping
blood, her eyes dark and in a few minutes, she came back to her senses- her dad
was finally walking again, that might be a miracle (Thembalami thought to
herself). “Dad, Dad” She groveled, crawled on her knees towards Johnson,
raising her hands on the end.
“Dad, you are walking again” she hugged her legs, lined
against them and tear fell like a waterfall of Nogqaza, but for the first time,
that was the tears of Joy. Behind, her mother wasn’t smiling, neither crying.
She stood still, stunned, with her chest moving up and down as an ocean’s wave
of Richards’s bay. After a long uncountable pause, she ran towards Johnson and
hugged him. “I can’t believe you are walking again, I thought you will be
tripled forever” said Nombuso with a smile filled all over her face. However,
that was just a smile, a smile with something behind- guilty consciousness.
However, that was a smile, but anything could be hidden behind. Happiness can
be hidden and even sorrow can be hidden.
“Today I am the one to prepare breakfast. I want us to
celebrate before I go to work and it looks like…. I still have two hours”. (She
stared at the watch on the wall above big, framed picture of them as three
Dlomos). They seemed happy on that picture. That was their first time Johnson
took them for tripe in Cape Town. Thembalami was still young at that time-about
5 years, but her smile was already gorgeous. After a long stare to that
picture, she quick went to the kitchen to prepare their breakfast and
Thembalami went to her bed room, jumping as a young frog seeing water.
In an hour, breakfast was ready. Table decorated with food
all over it-one dish with roasted chicken prepared with sugar. Another dish
with piss pored with cheese on top. One with eggs, toasted bread and off
course, cups of coffee. At about an hour, they all settled down, had a little
prayer and began to eat. At that moment, no one talked, maybe they were
enjoying their breakfast. In 20 minutes, Nombuso went to take a shower, leaving
them to finish and after 30 minutes she was off to go.
As usual, Thembalami had to clean the table, wash dishes and
go to be on her bed room. After she was done with everything, she went to her
father who in the garden trimming flowers, facing the sun rising from its
nest-breast. “Those flowers missed you, trust me” she giggled, padding slowly
towards him. Johnson did not utter any word; instead, he smiled and looked up
to the sky, which was clear from clouds. “Themba-ma, every time when I look at
the sun rise shinning like this, it reminds me of my first love”. He stopped
trimming flowers and turned back, staring her daughter. “She looked exactly
like you”. Said Johnson, brushing Thembalami’s left cheek with his left
hand.
In an uncountable pause, he took off the glove, grabbed
Thembalami’s hand and led a way to an old, dirty bench in the middle of the
garden. “My Hope I think it’s time for you to hear this, to hear the reason I
refused to let you go for your studies”. He paused for a while, stared straight
to her eyes and continued. “There was once a time, or let me say a year. I was
in the library when I saw her” he said these words with his eyes closed as if
he was begging his mind to remind him. In a few minutes, he continued. As he
was speaking, a drop of blood fell over his white shirt. “Dad, you are
bleeding”. He opened his eyes; hold her nose-wiping it. In a few seconds, his
hands shivered and legs went stiff.
“Dad, dad what’s happening?” Thembalami cried and
immediately her voice went harsh as she yelped for help from neighborhood. In a
few minutes, silence came into existence, blood painted his shirt and only her
harsh voice like a chicken with a knife on its neck, “wake up dad”. And that
was it, his heart was not beating and veins not moving-he was dead. Thembalami
hugged him for an hour, crying, bowling and begging him to wake up.
Unfortunately that was not necessary, he was surely dead. She then went inside,
with her hands painted with blood and took a phone to call her mother. “Hallo,
Hallo. Mom it’s me. He is dead Mah, dad is not breathing, he is dead” (crying
over the phone). On the other side of the line, Nombuso was stunned and dropped
the phone, rushed home.
Again that was a darkness day in their lives. Nombuso lost
her husband and Thembalami her father. That was indeed hard for Thembalami to
swallow; at least Nombuso knows the pain of losing someone she loves. As For
Thembalami, that was her first time of mourning. During the night vigil,
Thembalami locked herself on the bed room and even the following day, his
interment day. After the funeral, she spent two weeks in her bed room, ignoring
any word her mother utters. That was indeed rude, but Nombuso didn’t border herself
begging her. She knew-it was just the matter of time.
Exactly as she thought-at last she came out of that tinny
bed room. “Hallo mah” (greeting her mother, who’s staring at her photo album). Nombuso
continued with watching her pictures, flipping each page after a long pause. “If
you are hungry, I have prepared you a breakfast on the microwave” said Nombuso,
without turning her head to look at her. Of course, she was hungry; hence she
went straight to the microwave, took the food and went back to her bed room.
“Come back here, when you are done eating” Nombuso said on her back.
After 30 minutes, Thembalami came back as told. “I know this
is hard for you my Hope, but death will always be part of our lives, none of us
suspect. No one is bound to live forever; it’s just the matter of time. She
paused, waited for Thembalami to speak. In a few minutes, she continued. “Our
duty is to move on, put everything behind us. He’s gone and he’s not coming
back”. She paused again, but Thembalami didn’t utter a word, then she
continued. “Anyway, you are free to go to varsity next year and I think you
should start applying” she closed the album, hold Thembalami’s hand and wiped
her tears.
After an uncountable silence, Thembalami replied. “I am not
going to varsity” “what?” Her mother raised her voice, taking off her hands
from Thembalami. “Yes, I won’t go to university. The same dad who died over my
hands is the one who didn’t want me to study. So, I am not going”. She paused
and continued after inhaling a long deep breath. “What if he was right? What if
I was not meant to study?” He paused again, changes the position and sat at the
sofa opposite Nombuso and stared straight to her eyes. “At least if I can know
why he refused”. Thembalami put both hands through her mouth, pretending to
think.
Nombuso stood up, sat and stood up again. “That’s nonsense”.
She pointed Thembalami, turned around with hands holding her neck. “That’s
nonsense. After everything I did, now you say what? That’s nonsensical. This is
not opened to discussion, you are going to school, end of story”. After saying
these words, she walked out of the house, heading towards the garden with hands
crossed over her shoulders. Thembalami followed her, “what do you mean by
saying everything you’ve done?”
Thembalami paced up and stood in front of her. “What do you mean by saying after everything you’ve done” Nombuso
failed to utter a word, pushed her aside and sat on that bench of omens.
She yawned, took a long deep breath and started to speak.
“This was our bench. I remember the first time visiting him”. She paused, put
hands on her eyes and continued. “We spent the whole day, talking, sharing
jokes and laughing, but now I am seated here, alone. Anyway, that’s my fault”.
Thembalami covered her face with her hands, wiped tears that fell like a
Nogqaza fall. “Doctors said he died of poison and that was after the conflict you
had that night” she paused, covering her mouth with both hands. “Oh no, that
was after your delicious breakfast. Mmmmmmh Mah please tell me, you didn’t kill
him”. “That was for your own good” replied Nombuso, with a sorrow-smile.
“My own Good” Said Thembalami. “How is it my own good? You
killed my father, your husband, who rescued you from being a prostitute and
that’s all for me?” Thembalami went inside, holding her head with both hands.
In a few minutes, Nombuso followed her. “Thembalami” (calling her) “Thembalami”
she went to her bed room and found her packing the suitcase. Fortunately she
was early, not to stop her, but to bid goodbye. “Where are you going?” asked
Nombuso. “I am leaving Mah; I cannot stay with a murderer. I am not ready to
die” Replied Thembalami. Nombuso went fast to her bed room and came back with a
big brown diary, “take this and read. You are not going anyway” Nombuso
standing at the middle of the way. Thembalami didn’t utter any word. She pushed
her aside and pulled her suitcase. On her way out, she turned and said “I hate
you Mah”.
CHAPTER
FOUR
The hope into despair
I was once
an ‘indeed’ creature, certainly about everything. Of course, I was about
passing my matric. However, today I am definitely not. I am not sure where I am
going, but I had to leave. Anyway, not even a single part of my heart finds me
erroneous. I haven’t missed her, but she’s still in my mind, influencing every
inter-personal conflict I’m having. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I don’t
miss her- she’s ‘always within my mind, my heart and subsequently my life.
Hence, my duty is not only to live my life into fullest, but also to forget
that I once had a mother, (she continuously thought to herself). “Where are you
going sis” The driver has been asking her for five times now, but she just
stand stagnant, stunned and buried within her thoughts.
“Are you
going or what sis?” he asked again. “Oh sorry, yes I am going” she replied,
pulled her suitcase and paced up towards this red vehicle. As she was walki ;ng
towards this car, her eyes went straight to the registration number. Even after
six months, she is still aware of what her mother told her, especially after
choosing to live her life on the road. As she jumped in, she already knew the
colure-gray, with black big tyres and its registration number, NP 235034. It just 4by4 it wouldn’t be that huge if he
was resonant. He looked tinny, more picnic behind the wheels and her voice,
bold and deep as if someone borrowed him.
“Where
would you like to go sisterra?” he asked, staring at her suitcase with
mouthy-eyes under well shaped spectacles. “Mmmmmh” Thembalami glaring at him up
and down and in a few minutes, she replied. “I am actually going to
Johannesburg, but that will depend on where your journey ends, of course. “Ok
close the door. Pull it hard” he accented.
In her absence, Nombuso felt lonesome and her heart filled
with boredom. Was it because she missed them or only her daughter, Thembalami?
Of course, there is no doubt, since her hands were shaded and painted with the
blood of her husband. Only her husband! The one and only husband, who rescued her
from being a product of men. In everything that happened, her mind kept on
asking her one and the same question, “really,
why this is happening to me?” and her heart kept on answering with no fear,
“it all your fault, you killed him”. However,
that could not be proven, either. But still, guilty consciousness always points
its finger to the right person. Thembalami’s absence stole Nombuso’s appetite,
leaving her with a bleeding heart, which went limp and reluctant in pumping the
blood. Everything around reflected her past and all her visual vocab reflected
her hands with blood.
At first, she ignored the feeling of being alone. She
thought Thembalami would make up her mind and come back. After two years, the
pain of losing her daughter had grown wider within her heart and deeper within
her mind, but she ignored it. She was still hoping that Thembalami will come
back. She told herself that she would celebrate approaching Christmas with her
daughter, but that did not happened. Third Christmas was then a past and the
hope of seeing her daughter again faded away. Each day she loses one piece of
hope, along with tears flowing over her cheeks.
It been two weeks after the Christmas and she haven’t moved
from that bed which was once of two lovely birds, the Queen and its King.
Tear’s dam went dry, followed by the river that used to flow through her
cheeks. Their bed room, which used to smell as heaven started to smell like
hell. Her hands went limp and her feet stiff. She was surely giving up in life.
She convinced herself that there was nothing left for her expect dying. As her
heart was to follow her mind about giving up, she heard a sweet voice at the
door calling her. She tried to recall who was that person, but failed. It was
not someone she knew and definitely not her daughter that she has been waiting
for in past three years.
Nemesis: a thing or someone that has competed
with somebody or has been an enemy for a long time
