NOW OR
NEVER My
tears for her!!!
|
I
|
am always early, always ahead than everyone.
Blue Monday should be tomorrow but I’m already there; experiencing it today, on
Sunday. I don’t know why but am running out of my blood; nothing is normal. I
am driving with my lights on, on day-light. The last time I checked it’s been
raining so that’s why my wipes are on; but only mine. In a few minutes of not
thinking straight I realized, ‘it’s too late; it’s her wedding day’ and she’s
not marrying me.
Maybe I should just tell her, maybe I should’ve
just told her the moment I had a chance”, (talking alone). “What are you saying
now? Tell her what? And who’s that person? Oooops my mom is here, how come I
didn’t notice her all along? I thought I was alone with my own thought.
“Nothing mah! I am just repeating the words they were saying on that movie we
were watching yesterday, remember?” I know she doesn’t believe me, anyway she won’t
mind and no one would especially today. In a few minutes we were there, we
arrived on time. I never saw a beautiful place like this in my life, it’s like
heaven has visited the earth and everyone is exultant except me.
I wondered to myself, for all these
years my heart has been beating, propelling, leaping and tootling in private; how
did I expect her to see it. I never thought this day would come, not today; not
without me. I got out of the car; mom was already there with other women
sharing jokes with glasses on their hands. I can see all of them but I am in my
own world, alone with my thoughts. While staring at her bedroom window god’s fluid
flow over my face “is it raining?” I looked up to the sky, it’s blue and clear
from clouds. No it my tears, I am crying.
I went to a tree, perusing everyone
from far; more like a nerd. My intention is to see her, maybe there’s still a
chance, even though I know I’m just a friend. “Jonathan! Jonathan! Come help me
here, don’t just stand there alone, you should be enjoying yourself; your
friend is marrying, isn’t”. If she’s waiting for my response, I’m sorry I won’t
utter any word. On my thoughts, “of course she’s marrying and I can’t believe
this is happening, she must be so lucky”. I then faked my smile, lying to myself
and indeed life is not fair. In an hour everyone settled down, music is playing
and her young sisters walking where she’ll be walking, throwing flowers.
The music changed its tone, everyone
turned back; looking at the door, even me. My eyes grew bigger than it usually
is. She is beautiful; actually she is beyond being beautiful. Behind her,
Valencia is holding her shinny-white dress with a net covering her face. By
that time every one is on their feet, but not me, probable I’m still in shock.
I then thought of getting up and again, I’m late. Pastor ordered them to take
their seats. He then said, “Before I continue with this marriage of a beautiful
couple, is there anyone who thinks this marriage should not continue? In two
minutes I’ll then continue”, pastor looking at me. How does he know? Slowly I felt
my hand going up...eish it’s hastening for my watch; to switch off the alarm. Thanks
god this is all a dream.
I then yawned and took a long deep
breath and tears were already on my eyes. What if this dream comes true, the last
time I checked white weddings in my culture gist that death is near. By that
time I knew this was a day, to get out of friend-zone. Immediately I made a
call, but no one answered it; I guess she’s still in a shower. I assured myself
that I’ll talk to her on campus only if she can give me a chance.
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